Christmas picture 2012

Monday, January 13, 2014

Friday, January 17,2014... My due date

This coming up Friday would have been my due date.....WOW....... Has it been 5 months already...... It sure hasn't been an easy road and I still struggled. I have my good days and my bad days. I have had more good days lately than bad days. Me and shane were talking one night about how I was feeling and he told me that it was up to me how I felt. I controlled my feelings. He said that I had to decide when I wanted to be happy. I told him it wasn't that easy but then New Years rolled around and everyone was making resolutions so I figured I'd make some. Of course lose weight,eat healthy, ect.... But I also decided I WAS going to be happy, I was going to treat myself better. I told myself I was the only one that could make me happy no one else could make me happy, ON,Y ME!!! And I have been happy. I have been working out some. Eating better. And enjoying life. I have a group of friends that I love very much and they always make me smile and laugh. I have family that I love more than anything.

I still have things that our going to be tough this year though. Like Friday. I know it's coming and I keep telling myself it's going to be okay but I won't know how okay it will be until it's Friday. So please pray for me!! And then in August it will be a year that this nightmare happened. I still stay up at night running that awful Monday through my head and the days after that. I still to this day wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I still have a hard time talking about it with people other than shane. He is the only one that knows the sad and depressed me! So pray for him!!